NORTH POLE
In what many are calling shocking and disturbing news, the release of Reindeer Diaries reveals that Rudolph, one of the key members of Santa’s sleigh team, had a lifelong interest and attraction to BDSM. Reins, bit gags, and tight leather harnesses are all described by the deer as “sexually exciting” and a “major turn on.”
Also revealed is Rudolph’s partner and Mistress Clarice’s darkside. Often seen in public as a cute, doe-eyed deer, wearing a red and white polka dot bow on her head, Clarice had a fondness for latex, whips, and elaborate suspension bondage.
Though the roots of his sexual fetishism is not discussed in the book, Dr. Brent Moss, author of Perversions: The Secret Side of Sexuality speculates that some of the early trauma’s from the young deer’s life may explain some of it. “Being excluded from reindeer games as a young buck likely had a lasting effect on Rudolph. It is a time that coincides with his discovery of masturbation, as well as his adoration of Clarice, who had strong emotional and physical streaks of sadism. The combination of these factors explain a lot about Rudolph’s psychosexual makeup.”
While both Santa and Mrs. Claus have denied any knowledge of Rudolph’s secret sexual life, both have been supportive of the book and of Rudolph going public with his story.
“That foggy night when I thought I couldn’t even fly, I almost had to cancel Christmas. Rudolph made it possible to have Christmas that year. I owe him a huge debt. We all do. He has my full support,” said Claus.
“We love and support all of the reindeer. We were there for Blixen after the ‘incident’ and we will stand by Rudolph as well,” added Mrs. Claus.
While all the other deer have been supportive, Rudolph’s co-worker and dentist Hermey has not be able to reconcile the reindeer he “knew all these years” with the shocking revelations.
In response to the criticism, Yukon Cornelius had some advice for the now elder reindeer: “Douse your nose and run like crazy!”
Photo credit: Dan Machold CC: NC SA
