WASHINGTON, DC
After analyzing messages and “chatter” from several websites and email correspondences, The Department of Homeland Security has officially declared “rope bombing” as an act of “domestic terrorism.”
Deputy Frank Monroe, a 20 year veteran of law enforcement says that over the past year they have been monitoring people who identify themselves as “riggers.” According to Monroe, “this group presents a loosely organized network that extends to most major cities. In their conversations, they frequently target public areas, monuments and bridges for acts of ‘bombing.’ We’ve been lucky so far, but we need to keep an eye on these groups.”
According to DHS officials, the group responsible for the bombings tends to speak in code and makes frequent references to Japanese words. The department brought in a group of Japanese translators to try to break the code, but the linguistic experts remained stumped. Miyazki Nakamura, one of the translation experts told The Daily Flogger, “If they are speaking Japanese it is a dialect I have never heard before. It sounds mostly like they are butchering and mispronouncing things. It is very alarming and hard for a native speaker to hear such things.”
Homeland security officials have noticed training camps opening and closing in major cities across America. “These groups are recruiting and educating their members. We don’t know when the next strike will occur or where it will happen,” Monroe admitted.
“That is why we need to put an end to this practice now, before it’s too late.”
