When Breaking Up Is Hard To Do


Sad news from Belgium, where Flotsam and Jetsam, the world’s only known conjoined submissives, have announced that they are leaving the only Master they have ever known. Well, if it were only that simple.

The problem is, Jetsam wants to remain collared by her owner, His Most Gracious Master Pierre Fandango III. (An imposing title indeed, but when you own a one-of-a-kind property , self titling fiascos like his tend to get overlooked.) Flotsam on the other hand, is adamant that the split will occur. She’s prepared to take it all the way to the European High Court to get her way. Or at least half of it.

For readers unfamiliar with the twins, their story is one of survival, struggle and ultimately success.

Born into Yugoslavian coal mining family, their parents were supposedly thrilled when Jetsam, who was born 1 second before her twin, was a true thing of beauty. It was only when the doctor declared “wait! There’s some other bits still coming out” that the family was presented with the rare occurrence of conjoined twins. Facing the rest of the mining village was not an option for the family, and a deal was made to ship the sisters off to Belgium, where they entered the care of one Jean Henri Goosen, famous proprietor of the Loosey Goosey Carnivale & Freak Show that toured much of Europe during the 1960’s and 70’s.

With a combined two heads, two torsos, two arms, three legs and five vaginas, the twins soon became household names. Jean Henri reminisces; “They had all the necessary parts one would need for a complete body, plus some other bits just floating around. That’s where their names came from.”

In 1995, Pierre Fandango III, a wealthy Brussels industrialist, visited the carnival, and fell in love with the girls. He bought out their contract on the spot, and introduced the girls to a life of relative luxury and security. Things were wonderful until late 2013, when Flotsam became restless, and wanted out of her D/s relationship.

And it’s those five vaginas and three legs that are causing the controversy. Joined at the third leg and hips, the conflict is mainly over who gets two legs, and three vaginas. Jetsam is adamant; “Look, I’ve got the Master to serve. She (Flotsam) doesn’t. I need that extra leg, and with his libido, three vaginas are going to come in handy.”

Flotsam doesn’t see it that way; “She’s got the Master. Fair enough. But I’ve got to move on too. And it’s a lot easier to move anywhere with two legs. I know she’s putting the extra vaginas to good use, but it’s just as valid that I have three, and she gets two. I’m even prepared to throw in an extra vagina if she gives me a leg.”

And it’s not only the girls who are upset. Pierre Fandango III is incensed. “I’d just learned some new rope ties for three legged people, and now I don’t know what I’m going to be left with. It’s not often you un-collar someone, and lose three vaginas in the deal. That’s more like a poly thing. I see them as two people, but more of a package deal. You cage one of them, you cage them both. It’s been very economical for buying equipment.”

Either way, the twins are determined to be surgically separated in the near future.

Jetsam had the last word; “I’m sure we will remain good friends and siblings to each other, but I’m damned if she’s getting the extra leg and vagina.”

Photo credit: Jhayne, cc by nc sa

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