Dear Annie: Intense Scenes and Dungeon Etiquette


Dear Annie,

This past weekend, I witnessed a scene in the dungeon that was very hard to watch.  It was a kink that I don’t feel should be done in public and was offensive to just about everyone who witnessed it.  I worried that the bottom was in physical danger.  The Dungeon Monitor told me to just mind my own business, but I am afraid the relationship is abusive.

What should I do?

Conflicted in Canoga Park

Dear Conflicted,

A lot of people will tell you to just “mind your own business” and “keep your opinions to yourself.”  Not me.  You have every bit as much right to complain and interfere with their scene as they have to play in the first place.  If you disapprove of someone’s kink for any reason, simply getting up and leaving is the coward’s way out.  It is avoidant and bad for the community.

You were right to go to the dungeon staff, but if they didn’t stop things, you should have rallied some of the other dungeon members to interrupt the scene and to check in on the bottom.

Luckily in the age of the internet you can also start threads on Facebook or Fetlife outing the offenders and shaming them publicly.

If something bad does happen in that relationship, it will basically be your fault for not stepping in.

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