TOLEDO, MARYLAND
After holding their first meeting a group of women who are self-described “emotional masochists” have decided to disband their support group after just one meeting.
Janelle McHart, 25, said that “the whole thing was just a stupid idea. I feel bad for ever thinking something like this could work.”
Maria Cargyle, 46, felt the failure was, in large part, due to her being there. “I mean, it was me, I am sure. All the other women were so nice, so open, and so smart. I’m just stupid and worthless. I am sure it would have been a big success if I hadn’t shown up.”
Many of the women said that the discussions were liberating and really made them feel good about their kink, their relationships, and the unusual nature of their desires.
Kim Juniper, 33, who organized the meeting said she could feel a “sudden shift” in the meeting as the women started to open up about their experiences.
“There was a feel of relief and of not being alone. There was a lot of acknowledgement and sharing. Before long, most of us were laughing and smiling and really enjoying each other’s company.” It was that feeling that almost everyone found “awful” and “intolerable.”
As more and more people started to feel “comfortable,” Juniper said, it became clear to her that the meeting was going off the rails.
She closed the meeting with an apology, swearing it would never happen again.
“I am so stupid,” she told the room. “I ruined everything, like I always do. I would ask you to forgive me, but you don’t forgive that kind of stupidity, you ignore and abandon it.”
The group generally agreed and felt that Juniper’s closing statement really brought everyone back “down to the place they should be.”
Hannah Leppert, 26, said she was “disappointed.” Not really in the meeting, but more “in herself.” Following the meeting she felt it would “be challenging to see any of these women again in a social situation after all the smiling, laughter, support and connection.”
The one thing the group did seem to agree on what that they were fundamentally “unlovable” and “probably deserved to be alone for the rest of their lives.”
Justine Halliwell, 21, was the youngest member of the group. She could only focus on the fact that no one ate any of the brownies she made and brought to the group. “Of course, they didn’t,” she reflected. “They were disgusting, because I am disgusting. I can’t even make brownies right. I am sure everyone is laughing about my stupid brownies and how I thought I might ever fit it. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”
