Researchers Determine Difference Between Submissive and Slave

MT. QUEEN, VERMONT

Researchers at the University of Vermont, Mt. Queen campus, have developed a multiphasic survey instrument to reliably differentiate submissives from slaves in the BDSM lifestyle.

According to researcher Evelyn P. McGuire, submissive or slave identity is one of the greatest crises that a newcomer to the BDSM community has to deal with. “Often times unrealistic expectations are placed on newbie to define themselves as slaves or submissive with very little information,” McGuire said.

The survey, which takes more than 16 hours to complete and is composed of more than 5000 questions, has a 95% success rate in accurately predicting the test taker’s orientation.

The secret, McQuire confessed, has nothing to do with any of the answers, it has to do with the test itself.

“We tell the subject that they must obey and we see how long they put up with the ridiculous questions we ask. The ones who make it all the way to the end are the slaves,” she told The Daily Flogger.

“They don’t really need any reason other than, ‘because we say so.'”