Hi Emily here! I was super excited about seeing the new release of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because I grew up watching them and they hold a very special place in my heart, memories of youth, innocence and a time when things were less complicated and everything was right with the world.
When I saw that the reviews for this movie were dreadful, I knew I just had to see it! I sat in anticipation in the theater wondering which of my memories would be ruined and how I would never be able to regain that youthful feeling of wonder or security I once enjoyed.
I wasn’t disappointed. From the very opening to the end, I could feel everything good about my childhood slowly and painfully draining away.
Sure, I was saying “Oh God, please no!” but I could feel myself getting more and more turned on the worse the movie got.
Oh and two words: Megan Fox. She is so hot, but also such a mess. I know she is impossible to work with and an incredible bitch. I just kept imagining her as my boss or a co-worked viciously undermining me. That was just too sexy. She is the kind of girl I want to be with, so I can be blamed for her mistakes and always be the victim because she is prettier than I am.
If you’re reading Megan, I love you. If you need a personal assistant or something to throw things at, I am available and I work cheap!
Rating: 4.5 Stars
About Emily: Emily is The Daily Flogger’s emotionally masochistic film and media critic. Her views are exclusively her own and should not be considered the product of a rational mind. Her reviews usually have little to do with the movie in question but do give a nice glimpse inside the mind of a twisted and tortured soul.